problem solving

Tag: problem solving

Real Books, Real Learning

October 12, 2021 denaliparentcoaching@gmail.com Children and Families, Healthy relationships, Noticed and Appreciated, Screen Time and Technology, Social Emotional Comment

Ahhhh….the JOY of books and reading! A friend shared this photo so I could share it with all of you. Isn’t it lovely? Can you just put yourself there, stretched out alongside another, poring over and getting lost in a really good book?

Simple. Lovely. And it stands out to me–which is a mixed bag of feelings, right now. It stands out, because instead of this being the norm these days, it is screens that we often see in front of a child or adult.

And screens? They are here to stay AND it is our responsibility to make sure they are used wisely. Which translates to SELDOM in the early years, and as our children grow as a tool that is just a PART of truly hands-on, sensory and language rich, relationship based experiences. For that is key for growing well.

Reading. Real books in real time. Together.

So much is fostered! So much more than what screens alone can do. Just think–truly sensory and language rich–touching and turning and flipping through pages, smelling (oh yes! Books can be fun to bury our noses in…), listening, looking, talking about and studying and noticing, and yes…if you have a baby…tasting .

Screens? One dimensional. Far more about swiping and tapping and “making something happen.” Far less about conversation, rich language, imagination, focus and attention and musing and getting lost in your own thoughts and…I could go on and on….

Just think what books and reading can foster…

...LANGUAGE. Conversation. Imagination. Curiosity. Understanding. Focus and attention. A way to make sense of the world, a way to feel affirmed, a way to learn something new. A way to understand yourself. Rich diversity of WORDS that help with comprehension and language skills and all things absolutely key for schooling.

…Connection with each other–-physically and emotionally. On laps. Stretched out on the grass. Snuggled. In a circle. On a bed. Laughing, crying, poring over illustrations and talking talking talking. Or not. Maybe just listening. Now that’s an important skill! This connection? It is powerful.

…Alone time immersed in another world of your own imagination as you read words and “see” in your minds eye just what YOU want. Or absorb the illustration and consider just what might happen next…or what would it be like to…or isn’t that picture just the funniest thing you’ve ever seen…or I wonder or how about or could you do that…or or or…

...All things BRAINY. Reading a REAL book, in our hands, turning pages back and forth, touching, smelling, passing back and forth, studying words and pictures–talk about MAJOR neural connections firing away in the brain. Absolutely necessary for healthy brain growth and incredibly STRONG foundation for all learning to come.

And then I think about how books foster things like…hiding under covers with a flashlight and a good paperback story that then ends up on your face as you fall sound asleep. Page corners turned down, pages flipped to as you try to remember something or share a passage or just re-read, piles made and moved and changed and re-organized, a chance to underline and write in and take notes in columns, book covers and binders to run your hands over, think about, enjoy the art, fan out the book, ruffle the pages, fill a bookshelf, empty a bookshelf (rather like my girls when toddlers and teens!).

Seemingly little things, I know. And yet they bring a richness to an experience that is essential for our growth and wellness in life. Emotionally, physically, mentally.

And you know what this all comes down to? Building relationships. Look at this photo! A sister reading to her brother–both absorbed in something absolutely wonderful that leaves them feeling truly connected. Sister practicing her skill at reading. Sharing her love for books with her brother who is finding out how wonderful listening and absorbing stories can be. You can bet, as he grows, he’ll be clamoring for a pile of books for himself.

Because he, alongside his sister, is discovering the JOY of reading.

Together. A book that has absorbed his attention. A sister and brother depositing into a life-long relationship.

Go read this weekend. Offer up piles of books. Head to your library. Read and re-read the favorite book. Throw a blanket over a table and give your child a flashlight and a few books. Sit and read for yourself. Watch how your child immerses themselves differently in a real book versus a screen. Because they do. And it is important.

Enjoy. And make reading books with your children a priority…and check out another article all about books right here.

Alice
Author and Parent Coach
©2018 Alice Hanscam

Let’s (Not) Ask Google

October 6, 2021 denaliparentcoaching@gmail.com Children and Families, Healthy relationships, Positive and Respectful Parenting, Screen Time and Technology, Story Time! Comment

I wrote this piece after viewing a television commercial of a father and child poring over a book together. The commercial was promoting the use of technology to create/enhance a warm and meaningful connection for the parent and child. Yet I believe using technology in this way takes away much more than it gives:

Child: “Daddy, how big is a blue whale?”

Dad: “I’m not sure. Let’s ask Google—how big is a blue whale?”

Google: “A blue whale is….”

Child: “Daddy, what do whales sound like?”

Dad: “I don’t know. Google, what does a whale sound like?”

Google: “Blue whales have many sounds…”

Child: “Do whales sleep?”

Dad: “Google...” (As heard and interpreted from a commercial)

You know, it is pretty fun, being able to “ask Google” or Alexis or “whomever” your technology offers up. It’s fun, even enlightening at times, finding out these answers. It can create more conversation and enjoyment in the moment. Certainly it can bring people together as they enjoy trying out this technology and even using it to expand their knowledge and maybe then using this knowledge to understand and explore even further.

And yet…here’s the deal…

When our go-to is to just get the answer,

ESPECIALLY when doing so with a child, there is so much being

missed and displaced.

Just think–as you quickly look to the fast and “right” answer, there is less conversation, less musing, less curiosity encouraged. Imagination is limited, real and lengthy problem solving challenged. There is less need for a stronger attention span, a desire to understand beyond the answer; and less opportunity to truly CONNECT.

Let’s save those quick answers as much as possible when we are exploring/reading/talking with our child. Instead, let’s:

Ask our child, “I wonder…how big do YOU suppose a blue whale is?” “Maybe as big as…a mouse? A house?” Giggles and eye-twinkles. Maybe you ask, “Can you show me how BIG a whale might be??” And down onto the floor your child goes, s-t-r-e-t-c-h-i-n-g arms and legs out as far as can be…”WOW. Now THAT is big. I bet you ARE a whale!”

Muse, “I think a whale might sound like…a DOG!” “Noooo, daddy…whales don’t sound like a DOG. I think they sound like…” And on you go back and forth, conversing, sharing, imagining, laughing, connecting. Maybe pretending to be many different animals and the play extends way beyond whales…

Be curious, “You know, I always wondered if they sleep…how do you suppose we can find out?” “Ummm…go find a whale and ask?” “Oooh…where can we find a whale?” “I know! Under my bed!” And off you two go to look under the bed, talk to the pretend whale, both snuggle and imagine you are a pair of whales taking a snooze…

Foster creativity and imagination–to let go of the “right” answer and go with creative ones that take you down a much richer, more colorful road to discovery.

Immerse your child in hands-on , sensory and language rich, relationship-based learning—use our bodies and minds and imagination to come up with what WE think. Our child’s ideas encouraged, honored, enjoyed. Such confidence in our child’s ability to learn that is communicated!

Practice problem solving—the kind that has your child digging into other resources, asking more questions, growing their competent and capable self–all so key for all things learning through life. Problem solving that takes patience, curiosity, time…the kind that strengthens us from the inside-out.

And then there is CONNECTION—true, meaningful, lovely, wonder-filled, light-hearted, curious connection. One filled with conversation and discovery. One that speaks of confidence in your child’s ability to learn…to figure things out…to ask questions and know they will be listened to. Connection that says “Your ideas are important! You can count on me to join alongside you as we work to discover together. Taking time to explore is fun! Look at all we can do together as we figure out answers…” What a way to deposit into a healthy relationship.

So leave Google and Alexis for the occasional quick answer. Let that be fun now and again. And instead–deposit richly into your child by letting their questions lead you both down a path of exploration and discovery that truly grows a healthy brain and amazing relationship. You and your child are worth the extra time this takes.

This extra time? It is what

rich and meaningful relationships are made of.

With JOY and appreciation,

Alice

Author and Parent Coach
©2017 Alice Hanscam

Oh Those BIG Alligator Tears!

July 23, 2021 denaliparentcoaching@gmail.com Children and Families, Discipline and Guidance, Positive and Respectful Parenting, Social Emotional, Story Time! Comment

Story time! One full of BIG feelings.

A mama caring for a 4-year-old (Mr. G), a 3.5-year-old (Mr. K), and two infants–8 and 10-months old. And a visitor (me), Miss Alice.

A handful, at times. You know, preschoolers being out-of-bounds, LOUD and BIG, insistent and ever-so-exuberant in all things? And boys, to boot.

Mama was rocking one baby to sleep, and another was crawling all around. Boys playing EXUBERANTLY downstairs….and then:

“NO! NONONONONONONONO!” STOP!!!” Feet pounding up the stairs, BIG alligator tears and wails and all-things-UPSET.

And here’s the beginning of what I had the privilege to witness. A lovely, just-right working through of BIG feelings that was all-things-relationship BUILDING and all-things positive and essential growth for young children.

Mama slowly and calmly moved from rocking baby, to kneeling down on the floor, opening up her arms and Mr. K. poured himself into her lap…Mr. G stood next to her, his words running over themselves as he said,

“Mr. K tugged and pulled and I wanted to go see Miss Alice and he PULLED my shirt like THIS and and and…”

Tears of discontent and “NONONO! I wanted Miss Alice and my Quiet Time and he he he he…” from Mr. K sobbing in Mama’s lap.

Mama, calm and quiet, rubs Mr. K’s back as he buries his head, reaches out and touches Mr. G and says to him, “Mr K tugged and pulled on your shirt and you didn’t like that.”

Mr. G, “NO. I didn’t! I wanted to see Miss Alice FIRST!”

Mama, “You wanted to get up the stairs fast to see Miss Alice.”

Mr. G, “YES. And he..he..he pulled on me like THIS…and I didn’t LIKE it and I didn’t want to stop…” and he took a breath and stopped for a moment. Mama looked at him and smiled in an understanding way.

Then Mama turned her attention to Mr K, “Mr K, I’d like to listen to what you want to tell me, now.” And Mr K broke out into fresh sobs and said, “I wanted to do my Quiet Time with Miss Alice and Mr G wouldn’t let me and he wouldn’t STOP when I said STOP so I pulled on his shirt to STOP him….”

Mama, “You really wanted to see Miss Alice and invite her to join you for your Quiet Time. You were really worried that you wouldn’t be able to do this because Mr G wanted to see Miss Alice, too.”

“Yeeeeeessssssss!”

Mama paused. She looked at Mr G standing there next to her, listening intently with furrowed brow and said, “Mr G, how are you feeling right now?”

And here’s where something lovely happened–Mr G PAUSED. He thought for a moment…and then said, “Happy…AND mad!” To our complete delight and surprise, as you can imagine! Yet it made sense…

Happy because he had been listened to. Happy because he could count on being heard and respected. Happy because real and meaningful attention was being given to something very serious to two little boys. MAD because he really didn’t LIKE having his clothes tugged and pulled on. MAD because he really wanted to “go see Miss Alice first.” And able to express both because attention to feelings has been meaningful work in his family.

And Mr K chuckled. In the midst of his sobs, he heard Mr. G’s words and they brought a bit of laughter and lightness even to Mr K.

Then Mama, also smiling a bit, said, “Mr K, how do YOU feel right now?” And that bit of laughter subsided and he said, “I’m NOT happy. I’m SAD.”

And tears all over again.

This mama? She sat on the floor in the midst of all the Great Big Mad and Sad. She reflected back to each boy what they said. She listened carefully to both. She never once tried to solve their conflict. She never once offered up a distraction or tried to hurry through it all. She never ONCE admonished Mr G for pushing past Mr K to “be first” or Mr K for pulling on Mr G’s clothes to try to stop him. This was important, for this really wasn’t where the real learning needed to be. It needed to be on understanding feelings and being heard and comforted for both boys to actually learn and grow and eventually listen and understand each other. And eventually NOT push past or tug on clothes.

She sat in this all even with one baby crawling up and over and around and in and out and the other fussing a bit since the rocking had slowed. Also both needing some attention…and yet…seemingly able to wait.

She just sat and listened as they re-hashed and re-told and re-demonstrated what felt like an injustice on both their parts.

You’d think it would go on forever, with no distraction or new idea or “Okay, boys, enough already” from Mama. But instead, they both–ON THEIR OWN–reached the point of done. They BOTH felt heard, comforted, sorted out. They both got to that place of feeling in charge of their feelings, in charge of themselves, and empowered because of this.

Seven minutes. That is what this took. And then Mr K got up from Mama’s lap, grabbed his Quiet Time backpack, took Miss Alice’s hand and off they went to be together.

Mr G watched them go, then turned to Mama and said, “Let’s play hide and seek!”

That’s all. I had the privilege of watching all of this. I had to work at pausing, too, you know. I wanted to “jump in” a bit. All those BIG feelings? They feel a bit uncomfortable. You want to fix them, make them go away, stop them. I knew better and I paused, but I want you to know I, too, can feel uncomfortable in another’s big feelings.

I took my lead off of Mama. I took my lead off of my own words to all of you. I let a PAUSE lead MY way. It let me watch. Listen with care. Notice and appreciate. And it had me going to kneel next to the boys near the end of it all and offer my hand to Mr K and let him know I, too, was ready for Quiet Time.

Truly a lovely, important, necessary exchange for all.

**Find PAUSE and all of Alice’s books here!**

Today, let a PAUSE lead your way. Let it slow you down a bit, allow you to really listen to another, observe a situation, notice what can be appreciated. What a difference this makes. A real, meaningful difference. These two boys? They still have challenges and conflicts with each other. AND they move through them more and more on their own. Because they CAN. They know they will be heard, respected, understood. And really, that can make all the difference.

With JOY and appreciation,

Alice

Author and Parent Coach

Anxiety and Our Parenting

January 8, 2021 denaliparentcoaching@gmail.com Children and Families, Discipline and Guidance, Healthy relationships, Self-care Comment

Be willing to carry the anxiety along with you.

What a powerful statement that another reader shared on a post of mine recently.

Anxiety. It is an integral and maybe less welcomed part of parenting. None of us escape it. Many of us are driven by it, perhaps just now and again along our journey, perhaps daily. Yet it is with anxiety in the driver’s seat that we can undermine the growth of healthy, positive relationships and weaken our ability to grow the strong, inner-directed adults we hope for in our children.

With anxiety leading the way we may be more likely to do whatever it takes to prevent our child from struggling, failing, falling. Sounds important, doesn’t it? To stop our child from struggle? Consider this…as we continually prevent the struggle, the fail, whatever it is we see as a problem, we are robbing our children of the opportunity to learn how to manage these hard things; we are robbing them of the chance to grow stronger, from the inside out.

This can look like…

~ constantly preventing minor injury such as discovering untied laces can cause tripping, or pedaling your trike too fast can make you fall, or it hurts when little fingers get pinched by a slide-y drawer, or climbing to the top of the jungle gym can be scary. It hurts us too much to see them hurt so we rescue, prevent, avoid, keep away from…

~ constant hovering or nagging over getting home-work done. We want the good grades so we can feel like we’ve done our job well! And yes, good grades–or grades our children feel good about–are important. Yet the work to achieve those? It is our child’s.

~ yelling at our child for yet again pushing our button–hoping of course that our yelling will finally get them to stop pushing our button as if it is their job to control our buttons in the first place! Which really means how we feel is up to them. Scary place for a child to be–taking responsibility for OUR feelings.

~ reaching over and putting the puzzle piece our preschooler is struggling with into the space for them. Maybe because we want to avoid the tantrum his frustration is surely to provoke; maybe because we just can’t stand seeing them unsuccessful.

~ immediately saying “NO” to requests of our teens because it just is so out of our comfort zone…and losing ground rapidly because, really, we cannot control what they ultimately decide to do–we can only control what we decide to do. And now our teen may see us less and less as the resource we need and want to be for them.

Anxiety. It can undermine just the kind of relationships and future adults we want—but it doesn’t have to. As my friend said, be willing to carry it along with you. Try opening your arms and welcoming it in to the best of your ability. Give it a place to be within you and try looking at it through the lens of a gift for growth.

A gift that reminds you of how deeply you care,

of how a situation is calling you to look more carefully at it, of an opportunity to pause and consider what you really want.

It is there for our growth–and the more we can welcome it in with the little moments with our children, the more we can manage it when the bigger moments occur. And consider what amazing role modeling you are doing when you show your child that your anxiety is your job to handle, not theirs.

That you can accept your anxiety over a choice they are making and still give them space to make it. Being there and truly available to walk alongside them rather than doing whatever it takes to ‘make it all better.’ Truly relationship building on many levels as you communicate your confidence in their abilities and that they can count on you. This is how trust is built. And it is trust that is the foundation for healthy growth.

What a gift to our kids, for now they are learning who they are, what they can do, how they feel and what to do with all their feelings, because we are taking care of our own.

Today, when that anxiety churns you up, PAUSE. Greet your anxiety for what it is. Name it, affirm it, move it aside. No need to “make it all better” by trying to make your child feel or be a certain way. *Just* focus on yourself, first by letting a PAUSE work its magic.

Notice how, if you do this consistently, you CAN relax and your anxiety dissipates. And as your anxiety slips away, notice how this influences those challenging moments and your relationships with your children. Notice how you feel; notice how incredibly capable and competent and careful and carefree and curious your children are!

I think you will like the shift. And so will your children.

Respectfully,

Alice

Author and Parent Coach

I’m NEXT!

December 26, 2020 denaliparentcoaching@gmail.com Discipline and Guidance, Positive and Respectful Parenting, Social Emotional Comment

“I’m NEXT!” Teacher Tom writes a wonderful post I encourage you to go take a look at. It’s called: That’s How to Share

“When you’re finished, I want a turn,” (although more often than not it’s expressed as, “I’m next!”) then let the person with possession decide for her or himself when it’s time to give way, which always happens sooner or later…

It’s not a perfect system, prone to abuse, but I think it’s better than the alternative which is for an adult to arbitrarily decide when it’s time to give it up, robbing children of an opportunity to practice working things out for themselves.” (Teacher Tom)

Alice’s take:

YES. Yes yes yes. We so quickly step in and decide for kids how much time they get with something, or decide it is time for them to give it up and give it to another, or for heaven’s sake, just QUIT that “fighting” and SHARE.

Really, it is so much more about our anxiety over conflict.

How are our kids ever going to learn to manage this (anxiety and conflict) if we–the adults–have such a hard time??

Teacher Tom writes about how, when we (the adults) give the respectful space for kids to work it out and sort it out SO MUCH LEARNING occurs. So much.

Respectful space means describing what you see–“Your friends are waiting for a turn when you are finished.”

Respectful space means staying tuned in on the periphery–because if any hurting starts to occur, you will be needed.

Respectful space means TRUSTING the kids to sort it out…and telling them just what you see–“It’s hard to wait!” “So you are going to be next?” “You are figuring out who gets which turn.” “So you want to play until lunch time? Your friends are waiting for their turn.” “You waited and waited and now he is done and it is your turn.”

Respectful space means staying calm and matter-of-fact, communicating confidence to the kids involved that they CAN sort it out.

And just think of all the learning, negotiating, problem solving that then occurs when we can calm our own anxiety over it all!

From the math skills of “whose next in line” and “there’s FOUR of us waiting!” to conversation and language through debating turns, to physical awareness and control from jostling in lines or discovering hitting will be stopped, to self-control for all the same reasons, to self-definition as kids discover just what they can and cannot do, to patience and problem solving and compassion and managing feelings…and on and on. So MUCH learning!

All because we got ourselves out of the way and provided the respectful space for them to sort it out.

It’s hard. And as Teacher Tom said, it can be prone to abuse…hence the need to be observant. It requires us to really consider just what we want the most for our children as they grow through the toddler and preschool years. Do we want the compliance that has US feeling better, more in control? Which is really what compliance is all about.

Or real growth and learning with a trusted adult alongside as tumultuous feelings and conflict and heated negotiations take place?

It’s hard. And the work we do as adults to manage our OWN anxiety over conflict is essential for our children to grow well. Start with these moments of “It’s MY TURN. I want it!” with a PAUSE in place, a deep breath, and just state what you see.

Start there. You may be surprised by what follows…and here is another post on just this topic that can help you along that I think you may enjoy: Let’s Talk Sharing.

Thank you, Teacher Tom. Your work is greatly appreciated! And inspires ME to write more 🙂 .

Alice

Author and Parent Coach

Relationship-building Attention

October 15, 2020 denaliparentcoaching@gmail.com Children and Families, Healthy relationships, Screen Time and Technology, Social Emotional, Story Time! Comment

A story for you…

A young mother and her 20-month-old daughter. Quiet and uncrowded indoor public place. A young toddler who was happily doing her own thing–pushing strollers, loading up her baby doll into and out of the stroller, working hard at j-u-m-p-i-n-g (you know, the kind of jump that doesn’t have feet leaving the floor yet?!), reading books, exploring tables with interesting things on them…

So many things I appreciated! The little one’s self-direction–being able to decide just what she wanted to do and how to do it, her constant talking talking talking, the young mother’s gentle approach and willingness to let her daughter lead quite often–from trailing behind her as she pushed her baby doll to welcoming in book after book to read.

I was also saddened.

Why? Because of the theme of dis-connection that ran through the entire three hours this took place.

In the young mother’s hand–nearly 100% of the time–was her cell phone. I know, there’s nothing unusual about this these days. It has become the familiar and norm to have it in your hand or in and out of your back pocket, therefore it must be okay.

It isn’t okay. Because of the disconnection it creates, because of the distraction, because of…oh so MANY things. Let me share what I saw:

With cell phone in hand, mama’s eyes were on her phone–scrolling, texting, scrolling again. Even when she slid it into her pocket it didn’t stay longer then a minute before it was out again. Toddler, upon discovering cool things upon a table, looked up at her mama with questioning eyes–only to be met by a mama who is staring at her phone. Toddler studies her for a minute then returns to the things on the table and begins talking and playing…again looking up to her mama for input, affirmation, to share.

For that is important to young children,

this sharing and affirmation of what they are doing. This is the

CONNECTION so necessary for building healthy

relationships, brains, LIFE.

Mama was looking at her phone.

Then mama pauses a second, glances at her daughter, and–seemingly engaged–says, “Good job!” Back to her phone. That “Good job!”? It becomes meaningless praise when shared in that distracted moment of what is meant to be an affirmation; a recognition of the child’s discoveries. It misses the point entirely. You can read more about that here.

A bit later little one was trying to “get” mama to read to her–mama was on her phone. Little one’s voice escalated, she began to push and pull a bit, getting louder as she went, working hard at getting mama’s attention in just a toddler way. At last mama put her phone down and said, “Okay, good job. You have a book…” And she read.

Her little girl had worked hard to get her mama’s attention. That hard work and escalating behavior to “get her mama”? It was now affirmed as just exactly what to do to get someone’s attention. That this is HOW you get Mama’s attention–start to act up a bit. Probably not what we really want most of the time. And then we wonder why our children “act up” so much…

A bit later and back to pushing the stroller around. The stroller got “stuck” on a leg of a chair and toddler started to work at getting it unstuck all by herself and expressing her frustration as she worked. Mama, with her attention still directed at her phone, just reached over and freed the stroller. Instead of noticing the work her daughter was doing she just heard the frustration and solved it for her. Now and again, we do this.

Yet when rescuing our child becomes the go-to

response–when we jump in and fix “problems” often–we are now displacing the experiences necessary for a child to grow

their capable, confident selves.

WITHOUT the distraction of the phone, mama could have…

...noticed how her daughter was working–on her own–to figure out how to free that stuck stroller. She could have affirmed her frustration, talked about the work she was doing, and by NOT solving it could have grown her daughter’s capable and confident self just a bit more.

...noticed how her daughter accurately steered the stroller over to an interesting table, stood high on her tippy toes, reached for some blocks on the table and began to experiment with them. She would’ve–instead of saying “good job”--probably said something like, “You are stacking the blocks! Do you want the red and blue ones, too?”

This richer and more meaningful language? It grows brains in necessary and amazing ways; is powerful for increasing language comprehension and vocabulary; is essential for a child to be ready to learn once they enter school. “Good job” randomly thrown out does very little to support the learning necessary for healthy growth and development.

…noticed each time her daughter sought her attention and would make eye contact–responding with an encouraging smile, engaged in what her daughter was doing. What a way to say YOU are important. What you do matters. I’m interested in YOU! What an empowering moment for a young child.

All of this? Without the distraction the phone creates it becomes real and meaningful CONNECTION.

Eye-to-eye contact immediately. Rich and meaningful language used. Desired behavior given attention to. Problem solving encouraged. Self-direction enjoyed. Confidence built. Feelings named and affirmed. The result?

A child who can manage themselves in healthy ways…who is ready to learn come Kindergarten…who feels the emotional and physical connection that is essential for healthy relationships and growing well.

Today–be present. Even if it is to say to your little one, “Mommy needs to finish texting right now. When I am done, I will read…play…explore with you.” And then give your FULL attention to whatever you are doing.

Try putting your phone down today. Leave it in the car while you head into preschool or daycare. Silence it totally while you sit on the floor and play. Put it in a drawer during that usually tough late afternoon time so you can really pay attention. Practice it in little ways.

And then take the time to notice what your little one does, how they do it, what they are enjoying. Talk about what you see. Delight in it. Be available–fully. Without the phone to pull your eyes away, you may just discover some wonderfully delightful moments…surprising moments…necessary to be helpful moments.

Your child will feel your connection to them. How awesome is that? And your job as a parent? It will get a bit easier.

With hope and appreciation,

Alice
Author and Parent Coach
©2019 Alice Hanscam

Please Don’t Cry!

August 25, 2020 denaliparentcoaching@gmail.com Children and Families, Healthy relationships, Positive and Respectful Parenting, Social Emotional Comment

When my daughter was a teen and going through an intense emotional time, I wanted nothing more than to fix it for her–to make her upset go away.

Isn’t that what many of us want? We want our children to be happy, content, confident, you name it. But my wanting to “fix” her upset? This was more about me needing to feel better–to feel I’m a good parent because 1) I have the power to “fix” her problems and 2) my daughter was happy once again. I knew this wasn’t healthy–this wasn’t going to help, support, encourage, or empower her to learn how to manage her own self. To become happy, content, confident in herself. It would only serve to make me feel better and probably only temporarily until the next round of emotional upset.

Instead, I paused. I considered what I really wanted–for her to feel in control of herself, capable at being upset, and to know that I am a resource she can always count on.

I took a moment to think about what upset feelings of either of my children I have been most comfortable in. I found myself reflecting back to toddler and preschool years and physical hurts. Though they came to me scraped up and bloody, alligator tears and sobbing, I remembered how I could welcome their upset with open arms, with a sense of calm, and just–quite literally–sit with them as they cried.

I remembered how, in time, I could ask how they’d like to handle their owie and give them as much control over it as possible. I felt calm, I stayed connected, I was quiet and close as they unloaded their upset. I was okay with their great big sad. I like to think this is why, as young adults, they are far more matter-of-fact with their physical injuries…taking the hurt in stride and addressing it from a positive perspective.

I took this knowledge and memory of what worked and felt successful in the past and ‘wore’ it going into this VERY difficult experience with my daughter. On the outside I was calm, on the inside I was actively pausing and talking to myself and recognizing the anxiety that was trying to bubble up.

As I acted-as-if I was that young mom with a hurt toddler, I found myself sitting next to her, rubbing her back, no eye contact, staying quiet as she unloaded. I waited until her tears slowed and then I asked questions rather than offered solutions. She calmed herself down, came up with ideas, asked for my thoughts, and ultimately moved forward positively and well. I remember this moment for it was incredibly difficult for me NOT to jump in with my ideas, advice, desire to fix it all so she could get back to happy. There’s that power of pause at work.

The gifts? For my daughter it was the confidence in her I demonstrated as I sat with her calmly–confidence in her ability to manage all her upset. It was the empowerment she felt as a result. It was how she could take charge and move forward. It was a moment that she found she could turn within and gather up her inner strength. It was a moment she knew I was there for her, not for me.

For me? It was a moment of meaningful connection. A deposit into our relationship. A moment when I knew, deep down, that she would eventually soar and that I just grew a bit stronger myself. It has strengthened my ability to sit in an uncomfortable place–with myself and with others. And I like to think I am role modeling for my girls just what to do with those less than wonderful feelings…at least, some of the time! It is a practice…oh, and we get so many opportunities to practice every single day .

Mister Rogers’ has been and always will be a hero of mine. He inspires me daily as I reflect often on what he’d do–whether it is with children or in response to life. Thank you, Mister Rogers.

With JOY and appreciation,

Alice

Author and Parent Coach

To Rescue or not to Rescue…

July 6, 2020 denaliparentcoaching@gmail.com Ages and Stages, Children and Families, Discipline and Guidance, Positive and Respectful Parenting Comment

What would YOU do if…

...your newly mobile baby was seemingly stuck under the chair she just rolled and maneuvered herself under–fussing a bit and looking at you with pleading and slightly tear-filled eyes–soon to ramp up out of sheer frustration?

…your 8-year-old came home from school in tears–devastated because he wasn’t invited to his friend’s birthday party? Or allowed to play the tag game on the playground? Or was told he couldn’t sit with his buddies at the lunch table? Ouch. Friends. They can be tough at times…

…your preschooler was struggling extra hard at building with Lego to the point of throwing it or a tantrum or BEGGING you to “do it for MEEEEE”…or frustrated up the gazoo that their drawing just didn’t LOOK like the airplane they wanted and could YOU PLEASE draw it for them…? And if you don’t, then you’ll definitely have a full-blown melt-down to deal with?

...your teen was totally upset and a total mess about the totally UNFAIR grade she got on her project that she worked and worked and worked on–the teacher was so UNFAIR! AND it totally affects her final grade….

…your toddler keeps on hitting you when he doesn’t like you stopping him or saying no to him or changing his diaper or buckling him into his car seat…? Or maybe keeps on pulling all the stuff out of the cupboards that you keep telling him NO to or cleaning up and putting away to just have him dump it all again…and again…?

I’d venture to say you would step into the mode of taking charge and fixing whatever problem your child was caught up in…because, hey, that’s what we DO. We solve problems and we are really good at it. And it is our job, right?

Maybe you would…

…quickly move the chair and rescue your baby and, of course, comfort her.

…tell your 8-year-old how unkind THOSE friends are and “Let’s make new ones or that he can choose not to invite those friends to HIS birthday party or that’s okay, you and I will do something special that day or hey, I’ll join you at lunch and help you let your friends know you CAN sit with them…or I’ll talk to your teachers, so don’t worry…all will be good and you can stop feeling so devastated…”

…just draw the picture for your preschooler or sit down and build for them what they want with Lego--or at least direct them each step of the way. Better then having them freak out, right? Maybe they’ll even keep on drawing and building and you’ll get a bit more peace and quiet. Maybe.

…call or email or text your teen’s teacher and let the teacher know how hard your child worked and really, couldn’t that grade be a bit higher? Or ask what you could do for your child to get a better grade…or complain about how there really wasn’t enough time for your teen to do the job as well as she could and that’s unfair…

…try getting equally mad at your toddler or get a bit more hurried as you rush through very unpleasant diaper changes and car-seat buckling. Or maybe you’d punish them by plunking them in their crib and telling them they have to stop or they’ll have to stay put for a while. Or maybe you just end up slapping their hand (never do I recommend) or throwing up YOUR hands…ANYTHING to get them to stop. And keep the stuff in the cupboard. Talk about a power struggle…

You might. Because we like to solve the problems. It’s in our nature. Yet consider this–consider another layer as to why we solve these problems.

It makes US feel better.

Whew, our child is no longer so upset or sad. Relief! WE feel like a good parent when our child gets good grades. WE feel in control and in charge and (again) a good parent when our child behaves, listens, chooses “right” behavior. We are communicating, “I need YOU to behave so I can feel like I’m doing my job well…”

When we step in regularly to solve our child’s

problem we are often robbing them of an opportunity to grow their capable and competent selves a bit more.

What do they hear? “You need ME in order to manage your body, your feelings, to be a good student, well behaved, popular with friends, able to be happy…” “You need ME in order to be in control of your SELF.”

Probably not what any of us really intend. Because really, it just says, “I don’t think you are a capable, competent soul.”

Fast forward to sending them off into the world. If all along we’ve taken responsibility for solving all those little and then big things that seem to be problems, how will they know how to do it for themselves? How can they possibly feel capable and competent on their own if they’ve heard from us on a regular basis that they need US in order to be so?

Let’s tip the balance another way. Let’s recognize that YES there are times solving is essential. And YES, way more often we can…

PAUSE and consider how we can walk

alongside our child to help them take charge of themselves,

to feel competent and capable, to know they can work at solving their own problems and managing all their feelings.

Let’s get down next to our baby and acknowledge the STUCK and encourage them out. Then maybe nudge the chair a bit. Help them help themselves. Name how they are feeling. This is key.

Let’s affirm our 8-year-old’s intensely hurt feelings and sit with them a bit or at length. Let’s ask them what they’d like to do. Let’s brainstorm with them if they need ideas. And then BE there. For that’s what they really need–company that feels safe and secure and comforting. Now they can better manage all the upset. And yes, it takes time.

Let’s acknowledge our preschooler’s frustration with their work. Let’s ask them if they’d like to take a break (and yes, maybe insist on it and help them do so)…or if they can start with finding the Lego that looks like wing material or maybe pull out paper and markers ourselves and start doodling next to them. Partner with them rather than take over…

Let’s listen carefully to our teen. Affirm their feelings. Acknowledge the hard work we saw them do. Ask them what they would like to say to their teacher–if anything. Or what they might want to do next time to change up the result…or they even WANT to do anything other than just unload on us. Be that safe, comfortable place for them to do so.

Let’s breathe in deeply with our toddler and show them what it is they CAN do. Name their feelings. Hit pillows not people. Help with diaper changes. Give them more things to be in charge of. Set up a cupboard just for them. Include them in cleaning up as well as join in on the dumping 🙂 Honor their feelings always. Stay matter-of-fact as we move through what we have to do…

Now you are tipping the balance toward growing capable,

competent, responsible children and future adults.

Ones who can understand and manage their OWN feelings and behavior. Ones that feel empowered to take charge of the hard. Ones that know we are a resource in whatever way they need us…and that we’ll always BE there. Safe. Comfortable. Available.

Problem solving. It’s a strength–especially when it is applied to ourselves and how WE can step through things with our children that helps them gain strength in the very same skill. Solving their own problems.

Today, take care of YOUR feelings. Calm yourself ahead of time. Affirm yourself as the good parent you already are and intend to be. You don’t NEED your child to be amazingly successful, popular, happy all the time in order to feel good and confident in yourself. Know this, from the inside out.

What a gift to your child, yourself, and all your relationships.

And what HARD work.

With JOY and appreciation,

Alice

Author and Parent Coach

Building Resilience in Our Children

June 22, 2020 denaliparentcoaching@gmail.com Children and Families, Healthy relationships, Social Emotional Comment

Resilience…the ability to manage and move through struggle productively. And struggles we will all have. Helping to grow children able to draw upon their inner strength and appropriate coping mechanisms is key for healthy living. Here is what I gathered together for a handout shared at a workshop with parents:

What can resilience look like?

Sticking with a frustrating experience—whether it is working through a really tough school assignment, a little one FINALLY (and with great pride) getting shoes tied on her own after focusing and fussing and trying again all morning long, or perhaps working hard at getting up the icy sledding hill no matter the backwards slide that seems to defeat the goal…

Picking yourself up again following yet another failure—such as forging ahead to study even harder as yet another school assignment came back with a poor grade; deciding to practice a dance routine endlessly after getting cut from the school talent show—because you KNOW another chance will come and you want to be ready; a baby pulling herself up, falling, bonking her head, crying, and still pulling herself up once again…

Grieving successfully—experiencing loss via a death, change of any sort, or separation (even from those special stuffed animals that need to, at times, get washed) can cause feelings of grief. By giving all feelings a chance to be expressed, to feel supported and safe in the midst of all the big feelings, to have resources to turn to—and to turn to them—is key for moving through any loss.

Coping with any stress in healthy ways—whether it is actively breathing through another morning rushed for time and actually staying calm despite everyone else falling apart; a child being allowed to feel mad and sad about the big move to a new town, house, and/or school—and given ways to share his feelings in productive ways; or perhaps your child bursting with energy following a long day at school—and given the opportunity to burst! Followed by a good snack…and maybe some down time… 🙂

What do our children need to be resilient?

~ To feel strong from within themselves and the awareness they can “turn within” to draw upon this strength

~ Close, connected, caring relationships with their adults–trust is built upon these and trust is key.

~ To feel in control of themselves—managing feelings, feeling capable, able to problem solve, can count on a trusted adult to have confidence in their abilities.

~ Ability to make healthy, productive choices in order to process stress–and having been shown what these are as their trusted adult role-models often.

~ Time to play, for children–younger ones especially–use play for processing experiences. Often non-adult directed and uninterrupted, creative and imaginative play.

What does building resilience in our child require from us?

~Being the calm, connected, consistent guide that they can count on

~ Naming and affirming feelings; showing them appropriate ways to express them

~ Respecting struggle—step back and resist fixing, rescuing, berating as your child struggles. See struggle as an opportunity for growth and learning rather than a problem to fix.

~ Giving our kids plenty of opportunity to be in charge of themselves (age appropriately) so they can learn from the inside out that they are capable, competent souls.

~ Noticing daily what is working for your child to manage struggle—in little or big ways. “You really stuck with that…I noticed how reading books in your room helped you calm yourself…You asked for help just when you needed it the most…You kept your hands to yourself! That took a lot of self-control…” What we focus on grows.

Resilience! A strength for a lifetime of wellness.

A bit more from me:

Know that all you do to respect your child’s feelings, time to play, ability to solve their own problems as you walk beside them listening and asking questions, the more they can grow their selves from the inside-out. Strength! And a solid foundation from which to navigate the ups and downs of life.

Know that the more you focus first on yourself, calming your own anxieties down, pausing in order to respond instead of react, the more you communicate to your child your confidence in their ability to move through any struggle.

Resilience. We get plenty of opportunity to roll up our sleeves and dig in deep–whether it is daily parenting stress or a pandemic. Give your child the gift of your resilience as you help them build their own.

With JOY and appreciation,

Alice

Author and Parent Coach

The Importance of PLAY!

September 19, 2019 denaliparentcoaching@gmail.com Children and Families, Positive and Respectful Parenting Comment

What can you do for your child that can…

…improve their focused attention?

…help them be content without your constant attention?!

…support and grow their ability to succeed in school?

…spark their imagination and curiosity?

…productively and more likely positively negotiate with others?

…problem solve their way through many a struggle?

It really is quite simple…

PLAY.

The very BEST kind–uninterrupted, plenty of time, non-adult directed, few to no screens, outdoors when possible, indoors with open ended “toys” that perhaps aren’t toys at all. Natural items, for sure. Dolls. Blocks. Crayons. Paint. Play dough. Boxes! BOOKS. Flashlights…Forts! Lego. Leaf piles to JUMP in! Puddles to splash. Pretend pretend pretend.

EXPLORATION.

Asking questions, being curious, wondering wondering wondering, looking and finding and wondering all over again. Testing, trying, struggling, failing, testing, trying once again. Getting dirty. Getting clean. Running hopping skipping biking triking skateboarding dancing–what ELSE can I make my body DO?! Sitting. Thinking. Musing over ideas. Being bored! Mixing and pouring and baking…tasting and tweaking and sharing.

CREATIVITY.

Imagination, ideas galore, dress up, costumes, arts and crafts. Glue! Tape. What can I make today? Blankets and tables to make forts. Pillow mountains! Sticks and rocks and moss become little Elf Houses. Games! Made up ones. Board ones. Card ones. Secret Clubs. Friends and instruments and a band! Watching clouds. Whispering together. Writing letters, plays, stories. More arts and crafts–designing, beading, sketching, sewing, knitting, quilting.

TIME.

Just think of all that is learned! Collaboration. Problem solving. Ability to focus–at LENGTH!

Self-direction…just what is needed to become a responsible, successful adult. “My ideas are valued and respected.” “I am a capable and competent person!”

Large and fine motor skills fully developing. Language and conversation and comprehension expands exponentially! “I am a creative person!” “I can DO this!” “I am listened to and heard.”

Self-regulation–“I know how and what I feel and need; I know how to manage that well!” Independence! “I’m in charge of ME and I am responsible for ME.”

So SO much is learned when we give our children the space and time to do what they do best. PLAY.

Play. Exploration. Creativity. Give your child the gift of TIME.

They deserve it and so do you.

Enjoy!

Alice

Author and Parent Coach

Time-outs!

August 12, 2019 denaliparentcoaching@gmail.com Children and Families, Discipline and Guidance, Healthy relationships, Positive and Respectful Parenting Comment

Time-outs! Often relied on to change our child’s behavior, to “get them to behave,” to HOPEFULLY make them LEARN.

Baby Blues by Rick Kirkman and Jerry Scott

And I believe this comic says it all–“And you still don’t see the connection?”

When we use a time-out as punishment, as the go-to

consequence for “mis” behavior also known as behavior we cannot handle, or stand, or know what to do with,

what are we actually teaching?

It seems to me, when our kids hit, yell, ignore, dump the dog’s food bowl all over the floor, throw exactly what it is you don’t want being thrown, fight, you name it–if our response is, “Go to time-out!” or “That’s enough, young man. Go to your room!” or “You know hitting isn’t okay! You need to go sit THERE until I say you can move…”

…then our children are more likely never to “see the connection.” Or maybe it is that the connection they see isn’t conducive to learning just what it is we really want them to learn. And what really is missing is the connection they need with us in order to feel safe, secure, able to settle and learn.

What they hear and experience is when they choose to do something we consider “mis” behavior, they have to go to time-out. Mostly because mom or dad is mad and really can’t handle their behavior and now it is all about our mad (and inability to handle it. Scary, for a child). What is really learned? How to make mom mad. How to NOT make mom mad. And how unsettling that is for children, to seemingly be “in control” of our feelings. Rocks their boat, shakes them up, and often just creates even MORE “mis”behavior as a result.

What we really want, beyond not being mad, is for our children to learn to decide on their own to choose more appropriate and productive behavior; to be more focused on themselves and the learning we really intend.

Learning, from the inside-out.

Truly self-directed. Essential for future successful and healthy adulthood.

When the go-to is “Time-Out, Young Man!”, where is the learning to use gentle hands, a quieter voice, to keep the dog’s food IN the bowl or how to sweep it up and put it where it belongs? Where is the learning to throw appropriate items, place others, hand over some, plunk others? How do they know the steps to productive negotiation? Sending our kids to time-out often undermines the learning of exactly what we truly want.

Instead, consider a time-out as exactly what it is meant for–a time to cool off. To be used often in connection WITH you (a Time IN), or at least from the place of, “Wow, you are really really upset. It’s time to take a break…” A time-out is an opportunity to take that break, cool our jets, feel better, and then try again. Essential life-skill. A PAUSE. Knowing when you need it and how to take one is what we are guiding our children towards and probably learning to do ourselves . See my books for help in this!

All the other behaviors? They deserve our calm, matter-of-fact response. “When you hit, it hurts. It’s never okay. What is it you’d like to say?” “We use gentler hands on our kitty. Like this…if you need to hit, let’s go whack the couch pillows!” “Yikes! The dog food belongs IN the bowl. Would you like to scoop it back up with your hands or try sweeping it up?” “Blocks are for building or plunking. Would you like to try again?” “You are super excited! Let’s put the blocks away right now and go get all your extra throwing energy out with our soft balls…” “You two are having a tough time taking turns. You both want a chance to play with our new game…hmmmm…”

**And now our child has the opportunity to feel supported and understood by us, connected to us, and focused on exactly what we want them to learn more about.**

NOW they have the opportunity to connect their choice with a result that has them learning HOW to do something, WHAT they feel, STEPS they can take. All with your company. And they now are more likely to learn.

So today, think about just what it is you really want (beyond NOT feeling mad!), and let a pause for YOU step up so you can then join alongside your child and take the extra minute to talk and show. Pretty powerful, our words and actions.

And if it continues to escalate? That’s okay. Now it is a time to use a time-out as the PAUSE it is truly meant to be. Instead of a punishment, it becomes a powerful way to help a child feel the connection with himself and with you that has them calming themselves, managing themselves, and deciding for themselves just when they are ready to try again.

Now they’ll see the connection. And your job has just become easier… This is the power of PAUSE.

The Magic of Respect

January 25, 2019 denaliparentcoaching@gmail.com Ages and Stages, Children and Families, Discipline and Guidance, Positive and Respectful Parenting Comment

You know the cool thing about respectful interactions?

All the amazing things that emerge…

…babies who actively participate in care-giving routines–perhaps via closing their eyes and scrunching up their faces when you ask, “I’m going to pull your shirt on, now, are you ready?,” or picking up their legs, ready for the clean diaper, or working that spoonful of pureed carrots in and all around their mouth and face, followed by sucking and smooshing a wet wash cloth until their pureed carrots are all gone from their cheeks–all by themselves.

What a way to grow their capable and competent selves.

…toddlers who are willing to stop what they are doing and come with you right away because most of the time you respect what they are working on and give them the time they need to finish. Toddlers who actually consider what you are saying and asking…and then nod happily and join in with the job. Pretty neat, the more we respect them, the more they listen and cooperate.

…older children who feel confident and in charge of themselves (so essential for a healthy self-esteem and identity come teen years!) because all along mom and dad have respected their limits, their feelings. You know, all those tickling, rough housing, pillow fights, peek-a-boo games we love to keep going? Our stopping when our child indicates they’ve had enough communicates our respect for their ability to manage themselves, know their own feelings, be in charge of their bodies.

…children able to self-direct, to know and then decide what they want to do and do it--their ideas, their way. Like pouring 32 cups of tea for their stuffed teddy that evolves to dressing up in a cape as they fly around the house to flopping on the pile of pillows to immerse themselves in a book.

Or spending 20 minutes trying to coordinate broom and dustpan and pile of dirt, getting frustrated, trying again, finding out the dirt spills off when they angle the pan wrong, trying again…getting frustrated…flopping on the floor…playing in the pile of dirt…then up and trying AGAIN.

Our affirmations and quiet presence as they move through the frustrations communicates our respect for the job they are doing; for their own ideas and decisions.

When we respect our child enough to keep

interruptions minimal, they have the opportunity to grow

themselves as a self-directed individual.

They now have the opportunity to truly learn what they like and don’t like, what they can and cannot do, to persevere, to think creatively, to discover how they feel…what a gift for their entire future, school and otherwise! And way less whining and “I’m bored!” to push your buttons, making our job a tad bit easier :-).

…young children saying, “I frusserated!” “STOP, I don’t like that!” “I need a hug.” “Mommy, I’m MAD at you!” rather than tantrums, melt-downs, hitting and biting. With our respectful affirmations and naming of their feelings without trying to fix them, our children learn to manage them selves–with words, stomping feet, withdrawing into their blankies…all the while working on learning just what we hope–appropriate expression of all those big feelings. Respect allows for this.

…cooperative behavior more often than not–-the more we are respectful, the more cooperative our children become. They feel safe, heard, understood. We’ve communicated how they can count on us to keep it together even when they cannot.

They know for sure that how they feel, what they think, and what they are interested in doing is important to you–and when anyone feels that way they are much more likely to listen, compromise, collaborate. To create those win/win solutions.

With respect in place, you are more likely to

nurture the growth of a self-directed, focused, persevering,

creative, problem solving, cooperative and collaborative

strong future teen and adult.

What more could we ask for?

Respectfully,
Alice

Author and Parent Coach

Elementary Kids!

May 8, 2018 denaliparentcoaching@gmail.com Ages and Stages, Children and Families, Discipline and Guidance, Positive and Respectful Parenting, Social Emotional Comment

Elementary kids! Busy, busy, busy. You AND them!

Their world opens up and their capable, competent selves settle into a wonderful rhythm.

Your elementary child is ready to:

~ Conquer all forms of game playing! Board games, playground games, made up games. Expect hotly contested ideas, notice how lots of energy is put into the forming of a game or team…and at times never actually played! Your child is taking hold of and getting better at problem solving, creativity, negotiations, understanding and building friendships. Our job? To be sure and give them the time and space and freedom to get immersed in all forms of games (child-led especially in the earlier years…formal team opportunities later…)

~ Manage their schoolwork. This capability builds through elementary years–and is fostered by having an environment conducive to homework and parents able to balance helping and stepping back. Kids want to take ownership of their work and show how capable they can be! Mistakes and all. Our job? To provide the space and time and SNACKS to do the work, be available when help is asked for, encourage and ask questions…and create the healthy balance that at times homework interrupts and displaces…

~ Make mistakes and struggle. No need to fix or rescue! Just be there to walk through the tough experience with them respectfully and with your confidence in them—and watch their capable, competent selves expand in amazing ways. Do so in these years and you help them build the ‘muscle’ necessary for success with harder struggles later. And your muscle at stepping back and walking alongside grows stronger—just in time for the teen years

~ Explore a wide variety of interests at their own pace. A truly industrious period—able to take an idea, formulate a plan of action, and follow through, whether building forts, collecting favorite items, doing a school project, a play they create with a friend. Crafts and games are favorites and exemplify just what they are growing their competence in—independent, creative thought and action.

~ Build real and lasting friendships. Learning what makes a good friend includes hurt feelings, disappointment, feeling left out…as well as joy, energy, amazing ideas. Sad parts grow compassion and empathy; joyful parts help a child identify what it is they really like in a friendship. Our job? Allow all experiences, for they help grow an individual ready to be a truly great friend to others. And keep our problem solving selves on the side line so feelings really can be respected, felt, figured out

Enjoy them, for in the blink of an eye they will be teens and then adults and off on their own adventures…hopefully still wanting to join YOU in a game or adventure!

With JOY and appreciation,

Alice