Noticed, appreciated, and enjoyed:
~ The VERY sad 5-year-old boy trudging alongside his mom, heading out of the grocery store. “I wanted it! Why can’t I have it? I want it…” with alligator tears pouring down his face. Appreciated? How mom walked alongside her son, acknowledging his disappointment, staying matter-of-fact and calm. And he kept beside her, trudging and crying. Half way across the parking lot she looked at him and said, “Know what? Let’s race to the car!” His eyes widened, his tears stopped, and off they ran–“I win, I win!!!!”
She allowed him to be disappointed with her calm and understanding company, and stayed tuned in, finding just the right time to offer up something else to focus on. And it worked. What could have been HARD and even miserable, became relationship-building.
~ The teen-age baby sitter who sat alongside her 4-year-old buddy on the sidewalk following a nasty fall from his bike. Bloody knee, HUGE tears, feeling mad and sad and frustrated all at once. And the teen sat with him, calmly, compassionately, and waited. No matter that they were out in public. No matter that they had people glancing over their shoulders at the pair hunkered down on the sidewalk. She just let him cry. And then, being a tuned in teen, she found the opening, “Can you pedal your bike with one leg or do you want me to carry the bike?”
“I can do it!” And off they began…adjusting just how it needed to look. Once home, off to the band-aid drawer and the lengthy repair work…followed by play with a toy-doctor kit, stuffed guys who needed shots and band-aids…and all was well. What a way to communicate confidence in this little guy’s ability to manage his own feelings and experience. What a way to say, “You can count on me. We will be okay.” The HARD of BIG feelings, when time is taken, can become a deposit into a wonderfully connected and respectful relationship 🙂
~ The daddy who agreeably chased his toddler through the aisles of Office Max while mommy got the shopping done (teamwork!). His little girl took off, looking over her shoulder, “Get me, daddy, get me!” And off he’d go trotting behind her–“I’m gonna get you!” Squeals of delight as he’d catch up and give her a quick snuggle hug, then off she’d go down the next aisle, “Catch me, daddy!”, looking over her shoulder to be sure he was coming. It was quiet in the store, the aisles were empty, mom got the shopping done, and daddy and his little girl had a glorious time together.
I appreciated how he respected her need to put distance between them as well as respected her need to have him close. Such a tug-of-war at times as our toddlers need chances to separate–within the safety of our nearness. Put a smile on my face! And just think–what could have been HARD as you navigate stores with toddlers, became an opportunity to connect in a positive just-right-for-toddler-way…making future store visits just a bit easier 🙂
Lovely moments. Relationship building moments.
Moments that say, “I care, I know you can do it, I have confidence in you, your feelings are okay, you’re safe, you can count on me, you are a competent and capable person.”
Find a moment today with your child and just be. Connect, listen, deposit into your relationship. It really is simple.
And make it a relationship-building week!
Enjoy,
Alice
Author and Parent Coach
©2016 Alice Hanscam