JOY and despair. They can go hand in hand. In fact, they must, if we are to move through hard times, loss, grief, frustration, struggle–darkness of any kind. To–in the midst of despair–pause and reflect on something, anything, that has brought a glimmer of joy is essential to do. Something that made you laugh a bit, put a smile on your face. Something small and silly, perhaps. Or a sweet moment with someone or something. The kind of moment that touched your heart, even if it left you in tears.
Granted, this can be incredibly difficult, finding a bit of joy or even considering that you CAN find it, when you are swallowed up by despair. The energy it seems to require is enough to turn away from the trying. The dark that can swallow you whole seems to leave no room for any bit of light.
And yet, light is there. Always. It waits patiently and silently while simultaneously slipping through every little crack of your dark times and glimmering and shimmering, until it catches your eye. It can fill a room, your soul, a heart. It can light your way, even if it seems to do so only for a brief moment. It can create the bridge between you and another–that connection that lifts you just enough to carry on.
And it always, always brings joy with it. The kind of joy that is deep, heartfelt, affirming. The kind of joy that gives grace to all of your struggle–instead of negating that struggle, it creates the space in which you can accept it, love yourself through it, and let it become a necessary part of the fabric of your being. The kind of joy that allows you to embrace your wholeness–ALL your feelings as valuable and essential to be the whole and wonderful person you are.
The kind of joy that strengthens your compassionate self, your gracious and kind and, yes, even light-hearted self. As the Dalai Lama and Archbishop Desmond Tutu shared in The Book of Joy, “Joy and sorrow are fastened together…to linger in the longing, the loss, the yearning is a way of feeling the rich and embroidered texture of life.”
For me, it has been growing my ability to PAUSE that leads me through struggle to joy. Through darkness to light. Taking pause deeper–moving from *just* practicing it in those heated moments to living from a pause has allowed light to glimmer through the cracks and fill me and, yes, light my way. It gives me the gift of living from a calmer, steadier, more trusting place that makes room for despair, frustration, anxiety, struggle of ANY kind. And this pause? It gives room for more humor–the kind that has you laughing at yourself, delighting in time with another, deepening your connection, lifting you a bit more.
JOY and despair. They can go hand in hand. “We cannot move forward without acknowledging all the darkness…and we cannot reduce that darkness without investing in the light.” (Maria Sirois). THIS is what we all can do. Invest in the light. Find the glimmer. Create a pause and look intentionally for what shimmers in your life. Was it a sweet moment with a little one? Something that put a smile on your face? A bit of care and compassion you gave another, or another gave to you?
Invest in the light. It is always there. Let a pause help you create the space to see and feel it–ultimately, to allow it to light your way through any of the hard you are going through.
If grief is swallowing you up, perhaps this may help: It’s Personal, Our Grief.
And another wonderful place to land as you find yourself struggling is Charlie Mackesy’s work.
With JOY,
Alice
Author and Parent Coach
©2022