school-aged

Tag: school-aged

Whose Homework IS it?!

October 12, 2018 denaliparentcoaching@gmail.com Children and Families, Discipline and Guidance, Positive and Respectful Parenting Comment

“What will your child learn when homework is HIS job and not yours?

Exactly that. It’s his job. No one is going to do it for him. Isn’t that what raising a responsible child is all about?” (Rhonda Moskowitz)

Back to school time. You are in the midst of it all. The transitions, the excitement, the stress, the worry, the FUN, the work, the who knows what that will present itself as your child moves back into the school rhythm.

And then there is homework. It is a very real issue all the way down to Kindergarten. There’s the fact that kids too young are getting homework–and too much of it. There’s the fact that we parents feel VERY RESPONSIBLE for our kids doing their homework–otherwise they won’t get good grades and then we must be bad parents. Or we won’t “look” good amongst all the parents who’s children soar at homework. Or we just get super worried our kids are going to f-a-i-l. Or or or. You name it, we feel responsible. And it becomes relationship-depleting…and undermines exactly what we really want–a self-directed, responsible future adult .

Read here for the full article. Rhonda (the author) is amazing. And homework is your child’s job. YES you have responsibilities. Responsibilities TO them for things that influence their ability to do their homework. So read on. Feel encouraged, empowered, relieved.

And then use all that time you used to spend hovering and making and pulling your hair out on yourself. Do something, just for you so you CAN step back a bit…

Alice
Author and Parent Coach

Important Moments in the Day of a School-aged Child

July 16, 2018 denaliparentcoaching@gmail.com Ages and Stages, Children and Families, Healthy relationships, Positive and Respectful Parenting, Social Emotional Comment

Important moments in the day of a school (elementary!) aged child:

Our sincere and present good-byes and hellos…

…as we send our child off to school and welcome them back home. No cell phone in hand, please. The joy of our little rituals–kisses, hugs, high-fives, eye twinkles, “Tell me about your day!”–leave our kids feeling loved, safe, and connected. A wonderful way to head into school ready to learn, out of school ready to re-connect.

Down time!

Instead of moving on to the next scheduled activity, it is the time to kick back, focus on what they feel like–building forts, getting lost in a book, playing with friends, creating an elaborate Lego structure, kickball outside, swinging high and long. Protecting this time and space is key for a child to grow well.

Playing with friends…

…whether with one or a group, elementary kids are all about friendships. Best Friends Forever, Secret Clubs, “You’re my friend because you like grape popsicles, too!” All those social skills you hope your child will figure out? Here is where they blossom…especially when we stay on the periphery, or out of it entirely. This is their time to discover how to be fair, kind, compassionate, accepting. Hurt feelings abound…and with our compassion and understanding, they can pick themselves back up and try again. Amazingly resilient!

Mealtime with the family…

…whether it is breakfast, lunch, or dinner, coming together with the whole family does more for building positive, healthy relationships then just about anything else. A time to hear their stories, to laugh, to learn good manners. A time to know for sure they belong somewhere. A time to know for sure they are safe, loved, cared for, respected…that mom or dad are truly interested in who they are becoming, what they are thinking about, what they like and don’t like. Respect. What an opportunity.

Games!

With friends or family, game playing absorbs our school-age kids. Board games, card games, pick-me-up kick ball, baseball, capture the flag games. Silly, made-up games, rhyming games, hopscotch, hide and seek, chase and tag. This is an essential part of learning and growing social skills, give and take, how to win or lose, cooperation, physical abilities, complex thinking skills…learning that truly stimulates the brain in amazing ways preparing them for the increasingly difficult academia they will be immersed in. No need for competitive/organized sports–just plenty of time to play non-adult directed (kid-directed!) games.

Our quiet company as they get hurt, feel left out, lose their best friend…

Our willingness to sit alongside them in their upset as they experience any kind of hurt, to show our respect for how they feel, give them our company and our compassion…this is essential for our children. And our willingness to let go of trying to fix it for them is equally key, for now we communicate our confidence in their ability to manage them selves; now they are just a bit stronger for the next round of uncomfortable feelings bound to happen.

Simple moments in the day of a school-age child…moments that are essential for us to provide, be present to, and protect. Know that with your attention to these you are giving your child just what she or he needs to be better able to grow strong, healthy, and well.

Go play a game today! Want to learn more about school-aged kids? Check out this: Elementary Kids!

Alice
Author and Parent Coach
©2018 Alice Hanscam

Continue…

So much learning!

June 7, 2018 denaliparentcoaching@gmail.com Children and Families, Discipline and Guidance, Healthy relationships, Noticed and Appreciated, Social Emotional Comment

Noticed, appreciated, and enjoyed…

The 11-month-old who has been shown since early on how to use “one finger touches” when touching flowers, fragile instruments, and other special things–his ability to do just this, use one finger, is a delight to see. And it can bring incredible ease to so many of their daily adventures with so much learning happening through-out.

The respectful approach by his mama and papa

to talk to him and show him just what he CAN do is paying off with a little guy easy to go through the day with. A joy!

The college-aged young woman who delighted in the connection she felt with a young man as she talked with him en-route to class. Someone she sees and talks to often…and now, as she so genuinely shared with her mom, she could “feel” and “see” the twinkling of eyes between the two of them . I’m appreciating her willingness and desire to share with her mother–to share the joy over the moment!

The barefoot 15-month-old pushing the child-sized grocery cart through the store, one little step at a time, concentrating ever so hard. I especially enjoyed how he’d pause, choose something from the shelf that his mama pointed out, and plunked it into his cart–grinning from ear to ear as his mama gently encouraged him along.

The willingness of mama to take the time to let her little guy do what is important work for a one-year-old I totally appreciated…and it certainly put a smile on my face!

The 15-month-old foster child (new to his foster family’s home) who went from chasing and grabbing the kitty’s tail and hitting her to using gentle pats–all within a few days of LOTS of patient role-modeling.

The calm, consistent, and

connected approach of the entire family paid off.

The cat? Instead of running to hide, he now purrs and rubs up next to the little guy–the trust that most of the time gentle hands will be used is obvious.

The 3 elementary-aged children trailing alongside their mother in the grocery store...all 3 engaged with the process, mom giving them things to collect and choose, conversation over what fruit to buy and how to choose the freshest vegetables. What a gift to these children! Mom’s full presence, the work shared, food buying learned about, choices and ideas respected. All in a short afternoon of grocery shopping.

So much learning…

So many eye-twinkling and delightful moments

seen as I move through my days. So many relationship building moments witnessed…

Take time today to look around and actively appreciate…notice…and look to what brings a smile to your face and a bit of joy to your day! What we focus on grows…

Here’s another “Noticed and Appreciated” for you: The Simple Pleasures

Make it great today!

Alice

Elementary Kids!

May 8, 2018 denaliparentcoaching@gmail.com Ages and Stages, Children and Families, Discipline and Guidance, Positive and Respectful Parenting, Social Emotional Comment

Elementary kids! Busy, busy, busy. You AND them!

Their world opens up and their capable, competent selves settle into a wonderful rhythm.

Your elementary child is ready to:

~ Conquer all forms of game playing! Board games, playground games, made up games. Expect hotly contested ideas, notice how lots of energy is put into the forming of a game or team…and at times never actually played! Your child is taking hold of and getting better at problem solving, creativity, negotiations, understanding and building friendships. Our job? To be sure and give them the time and space and freedom to get immersed in all forms of games (child-led especially in the earlier years…formal team opportunities later…)

~ Manage their schoolwork. This capability builds through elementary years–and is fostered by having an environment conducive to homework and parents able to balance helping and stepping back. Kids want to take ownership of their work and show how capable they can be! Mistakes and all. Our job? To provide the space and time and SNACKS to do the work, be available when help is asked for, encourage and ask questions…and create the healthy balance that at times homework interrupts and displaces…

~ Make mistakes and struggle. No need to fix or rescue! Just be there to walk through the tough experience with them respectfully and with your confidence in them—and watch their capable, competent selves expand in amazing ways. Do so in these years and you help them build the ‘muscle’ necessary for success with harder struggles later. And your muscle at stepping back and walking alongside grows stronger—just in time for the teen years

~ Explore a wide variety of interests at their own pace. A truly industrious period—able to take an idea, formulate a plan of action, and follow through, whether building forts, collecting favorite items, doing a school project, a play they create with a friend. Crafts and games are favorites and exemplify just what they are growing their competence in—independent, creative thought and action.

~ Build real and lasting friendships. Learning what makes a good friend includes hurt feelings, disappointment, feeling left out…as well as joy, energy, amazing ideas. Sad parts grow compassion and empathy; joyful parts help a child identify what it is they really like in a friendship. Our job? Allow all experiences, for they help grow an individual ready to be a truly great friend to others. And keep our problem solving selves on the side line so feelings really can be respected, felt, figured out

Enjoy them, for in the blink of an eye they will be teens and then adults and off on their own adventures…hopefully still wanting to join YOU in a game or adventure!

With JOY and appreciation,